Low twenties and snow! That’s more like it! Now I can get down to the serious business of complaining about how people down here can’t drive on snow. Heck, some of them can’t seem to drive at all.
On the way home from work yesterday I was stuck behind a lost driver who blocked traffic twice to ask directions from pedestrians. In between the stops, she drove through one red light and, in preparation to make an illegal turn, nearly rear-ended a person who was stopped at another. I managed to pass her not long after that, but she pulled up next to me at a stoplight and tried to ask me directions as well. Fortunately the light changed, so all I did was smile, wave, and drive away, muttering under my breath.
Creative cursing is part of driving for me. Anyone can stick to the FCC banned list of cuss-words. Real creativity though, lies in developing paint blistering epithets that don’t use any of the old standards. For things like that, the lowly hyphen is your friend. Stick a vaguely distasteful noun next to a slightly shady verb using a hyphen and you can call someone a “pork-knotter” for example, or a “fume-whiffing drip-nibbler.”
It’s not exactly profanity, but it’ll pass for it if you say it with feeling. And there’s something deeply satisfying in the look on people’s faces if they overhear you shouting at some waste of protein that they’re a “bleach-leeching toe-torquer” when they make a sudden, unannounced lane change in front of you.
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